defying gravity

it was a great night. i just got back from a wonderful night out with my friends, i'm listening to my favorite album (Once), it's warm inside and cold outside, and i'm writing. for me, it doesn't get much better. all in all, its just been a great weekend. the best part, hands down, would have to be that i had the pleasure of seeing the musical Wicked. it was fantastic musical, but the best part was the words of one of the songs (Defying Gravity).

the song came at the climax of the the story, when Elphaba discovers that the Wizard of Oz is not at all who she thought he was and can no longer go along with his plans. Elphaba decides at that moment that what she once wanted is not what she thought it to be, and she can't want it anymore. at one poin in the song, she sings these amazing words:

i can't want it anymore
something has changed within me.
something is not the same.
i'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game.
too late for second-guessing.
too late to go back to sleep.
it's time to trust my instincts.
close my eyes and leap.
it's time to try defying gravity.
i think i'll try defying gravity, and you can't pull me down.
--exerpt from Defying Gravity from Wicked

when i heard those words, i nearly lept out of my seat to sing them myself. there comes a point in our lives, as followers of The Way, when we must decide what the calling of Christ means to us. i think that is where i am at in my life right now. i think that is what i am trying to figure out right now. there are times when i want to scream, cry and pull my hair out, but they pass. there are times when i am completely lost and disoriented, but they pass. and there are times that are full of beauty and truth (like my experience at the Fox Theater) and they stay with you for the rest of your life.

we go through life thinking that we know what we want, but one climatic moment can change everything. we are sure we know what life has in store for us and what we are going to use the life we have been given for. for me there came a moment when i realized that the calling of Christ MUST consume me. it was this moment when i realized that i can't want the old way of seeing things anymore, that i can't go back to sleep. i see the need for love everywhere i go now, and never want to go back.

i have come accross an amazing prayer on one of my friends facebook photo album. when i read it, i sat there and could not stop from thinking that maybe its time that i wake up. there is beauty in these words and i hope that she does not mind that i use it:

when i can no more stir my soul to move,
and life is but the ashes of a fire,
when i can but remember that my heart once used to live and love,
long and aspire--
oh, be the first, the one, the calling,
before all answering love,
and in me wake hope, fear and boundless desire.

friday night was that moment for me. i am finally at the point where i can only go one way or the other, and i have decided to do what may seem impossible. if we cannot come to such a point in our lives, then how will we ever know what we can do.

so i ask...will you join me? will you join hands in trying to make a difference? will you try to bring about kingdom change in this hurting world? will you close your eyes and and leap? will you join me on this journey? because when you are at this point in your life, there is no turning back.

this is what i have been waiting for....

a chance to try defying gravity