try

it's been a crazy week, but it ended great. sunshine and hot weather don't really do it for me, and it has been overcast and drizzling lightly all day today (friday). i think it is a beautiful day to end this particular week on. it's cool with a light breeze, not to mention i feel i get some of my best thinking done to the sound of rain drops crashing down on everything around me. rain forces me to sit still and relax, to stop and think...and that is what i have spent most of today doing (and it's not even over yet).

the past few weeks have been strange. all i can think about is what i am supposed to do with my life, where i am going when i finish here at ACC, and how am i supposed to do what i am supposed to do when i don't even know what it is. there has been a few points in my life where i thought i was 100% sure about what god wanted me to do with my life, but never have i been so unsure. i love the tought of teaching church history for the rest of my life, but i also see the needs all over the world and feel like such a hypocrite tellings others to meet them while i sit in school. the road to teach is not an easy one by any means, but it is safe. the road to serving globaly is no easier than the previous, and it is anything but safe.

the truth is...im scared.

scared to committ and fail.

scared to let people down.

scared to let god down by missing his calling for my life.

im scared...but it's a good scared. you see, for the first time in my life im seeking what god wants to do with my life, not me. for the first time in my life others are the main factor in the plans for my future. for the first time in my life...

im the last thing on my mind.

there is a world of people out there hurting...starving..........dying, and not nearly enough people helping them. there is a world of people crying our for love and not enough people loving them. im in a world groaning for change, and all i want is to be to be that change. whether in america, china, africa, or wherever else, a difference must be made...

and the one thing i know about my life right now is...that i have to at least TRY to be that difference...

because "god doesn't require that we succeed, only that we try..."