i love home...i love my house. i love my brother and my parents. i love my friends. i love savannah and its beautiful downtown streets. i love my church. i love everything about my home...
but even at "home" i feel away from home. i can't seem to feel like i am where supposed to be. it's strange when you feel like you belong somewhere else when you are at home. home is supposed to be the one place where you can always feel like you belong, but i can't seem to find that here anymore.
this is not the fault of any of my family or friends. my mom and dad have always given me the best, and i love them more than any words could explain. my brother is my best friend, and i wouldn't know what to do without him. my friends mean the world to me and have always been there for me. you guys have done nothing but love and provide for me, but something still feels...incomplete. i love "home", but i feel like my heart is somewhere else. i love my friends and family, but my heart is not here at "home".
these past few months have been out of control. i went from being absolutely sure about what i was going to do with my life, to have no clue about what i am supposed to do or how i'm going to do it. it's scary to look down the road in front of you and have no idea where it will lead you, but to know that this is the one you must take. this is where i am, frustrated and waiting.
i am ready to begin my journey down the road, but i know it is not time yet. i am ready to find where it is in this world i belong, but i know i must wait a little longer. they say, "home is where the heart is," but i don't know where my heart is right now. i may not know where it is that my heart is, but i intend to find it. i don't know where i'll end up, but i can't wait to be there.
i don't know where to look, but i will...
it's scary, but i trust christ will take me to a place i can belong and call home...
i am ready now, but i must wait a little longer...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Hebrews 11:16 (King James Version)
But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.
Hey James... I hope that I can encourage you in some way again. Trust me when I say I know how you feel. I felt like that when I began down my path that God had designed for me to take long ago, especially when it came to me becoming a missionary (unfortunately it took me 5 years to figure it out!) The first time I came home I felt like I didn't belong there anymore. And that's okay! Its what Jesus was talking about in Luke 9...
57As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." 58Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." 59He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." 60Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." 61 Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family." 62Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
See Jesus saw where the three men's hearts lied:a roof over his head, a father and the following of rituals and a family. Jesus was telling them what it took to follow him: you can't find comfort or rely on anything in this world when you choose to follow him. Your heart should reside with him and only him. When your heart finds comfort and relies on the things of this world even things as meaningful as family, loved ones, friends, etc; your heart has a tendency to dwell on those things which makes it harder for you to do God's will and follow Him when he gives you the next task and here you are having found a nice "comfortable" spot to reside in. Christians are meant to live life outside of their comfort zone and passionately pursue God no matter what the cost...
"I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."~Luke 18:29-30
If anything this feeling should help you see and know just how far you have come since you began your relationship with him and should encourage you to continue to pursue him and his will for your life.
Sorry it was long... chalk it up to me being a pastor's kid I guess...
~Jeanne;)
Post a Comment